Love that thing that makes you do crazy things, sing songs, and become someone you never wanted to be…. Ok so maybe just me. But what I didn’t know at the time is it wasn’t love, I was just caught up in an idea, an idea of what my life could be, how it could be easier. This is the story of how I got caught up in the idea. This is probably more than I’ve every shared about this but I thought it was about time.
It was some years ago and this man walked into my life, and it was Love at first sight…. NOT!! It so wasn’t I didn’t give the guy a second thought, but he gave me one. Enough of a thought that he keep putting himself into my line of sight and worked his way into my life or at least he tried. I ran a bit trying to get away from him, but he keep catching up with me and so I let myself get caught. I let myself get wrapped up with how much he loved me, because he was a good guy. So I went on this ride and the ride was easy because he loved me so much, and it’s easy to be with someone who is sweet to you and loves you, even if you don’t quite love them, but I was wrapped up. I knew I wanted a business and I knew I wanted to do makeup full time so I decided ok, I will go back to school and open a spa. So that’s what I did and the business of school and then starting a business distracted me, it distracted me from seeing that I was just wrapped up and nothing more. But when you are wrapped up with someone who loves you that much you start to feel like you are in love with them too. That’s a very dangerous place to be in, that is how I think so many people get married to the wrong person, they get wrapped up. It’s so strange because you can be so wrapped up that when you are asked you would answer ‘yes I love them yes I want to be with them’ and not even know that it isn’t the complete truth, you will have moments that you will question but you will brush that off as cold feet.
I’ve been asked before why I haven’t ever lived with a guy, because for me that is a trap that you get wrapped up in. When you are living with someone you work to make it work even when you know it isn’t mainly because you feel you can’t live the same way without that person because you get financial linked, you become married without the commitment, you get in a routine. And why should we mess with the routine, this is easy, let’s do easy. I don’t want to be in a common law marriage if you get the benefits of living with me, then you need to marry me. So that’s my simple answer to the question I’ve been asked all too many times.
So thankfully, I never lived with him, I was already wrapped up so tight that doing that would have sealed it. But as the business opened and I began to focus on something I truly loved I realized that the man that I said I loved, I only felt a ‘like’ for, the beginning of realizing that I’m wrapped up. I remember the day that I knew for sure that I didn’t love this man and that he wasn’t the man I was suppose to be with. I remember it so clearly that it is like it was just yesterday. It’s so funny the days that you remember so clearly, I never would have thought that one of those days would have been when I realized that I wasn’t in love.
I could have keep myself from getting wrapped up there were so many signs, but I ignored and walked by and just didn’t want to pay attention. The only question I can’t seem to answer is, why did I do it? Why did I choose to ignore what I knew to be true. That’s a question I may never be able to answer.