So I live in an apartment building with elevators and I was getting off downstairs and a neighbor was getting on. She had a really strange look on her face, but I didn’t think much of it. I walked out the door leading to the parking garage, and there was an older gentleman with no shirt on, short sagging, and whitey tidies showing. 😐. I stopped for a moment since this was quite odd to see him just leaning over the railing, then I hurried along and got in my car. Not sure why if he wanted fresh air he didn’t just go out on his balcony, but now I have a new image burned in my brain. I’m such a lucky girl. 😔
Just finished spray tanning a client and as she was turning for me to check her tan.
Client: ‘So do you spray tan yourself?’
Me: (Standing there a bit confused by the questions so I answered politely) ‘I don’t spray tan’
Client: (shaking her head) ‘Oh, my of course not, I’m just trying to make small talk, since I’m standing here mostly naked.’
Me: ‘It’s ok, that’s not even the strangest question, I’ve been asked.’
Client: (lying on a table ready for a bikini wax, but with a towel covering her) “It’s been a year since I’ve seen you, do you remember me?”
Me: “I’m so sorry I don’t, please don’t take offense I see a lot of women.”
Client: “It’s ok, it’s been awhile”
Me: (removing the towel to start the wax) “OH, I remember YOU!!”
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)
Reading this makes me realize, I should be FILLED with JOY!!! And I am, because this is making me strong and I was pretty strong before, so I’m going to feel like Wonder Woman after all this.. wait I already do!! 😉.
On a more serious note, these verses are so hard to take it, because God is wanting us to be in Joy even when the the trials come and the storms rage, at the time where we want to run and hid. He is calling us to be strong, because He has our back. In the good, the bad, the unfair, the evil, the ok, and the worst of times CONSIDER IT PURE JOY!
Every once in awhile we have to check out for a few days just to think and get things straight, but this can be a dangerous thing, because we are meant to be with others. God made Eve to be with Adam because as the bible says…
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18 NIV)
Then after that woman was created and well I think we all know the rest of the story. But this last week I checked out, I wasn’t answering calls or texts useless it was for work or a few people really close to me. Also the best thing that I did and that I’m still doing is I’ve stayed off of Facebook. Which has been hard, because every time I log on to my computer it would pop up, I was being tempted by the devil to go back on what I decided for myself. During that time I got some drive back, i decided it’s time to work on some idea that have been in my head. But I took that break for a little too long because I started to notice that the productiveness, started to turn into loneliness and feeling isolated, because ‘it’s not good for man to be alone’. And that is why I think so many try to connect to people through social media and sometimes it can be great and sometimes it’s false and fake. Most people just post the good while they are going through hell but they want everyone to think the world is perfect. Some post all the bad to get attention, to get people to look at them. Others lerk to see what you are doing and never say a word, while some use it to attack people and be rude and ugly. Over this last week of no Facebook, I’ve decided to try to get myself off, now I will still have a page because so much of my business is tied to it, but I’m starting to think this is best for me. So this is a goal. 😊
So during this time I learned being disconnected for a little bit can be good, but for too long, and your mind goes places, you get overwhelmed, and you start to think that no one cares, and then the anger. Anger over everything, and you start to get short with the few people that you do see. You dig a hole for yourself, and you start to pull the dirt in over you. Thankfully I realized around the time I was making myself comfy in the hole, and by the grace of God I climbed out because ‘it’s not good for man to be alone’. So I got my joy back now, and I feel good. I’m not saying everything is great because their are a few things that are still in limbo, but I have joy so now, let’s check back in!
I grew up in a single parent home and for the first few years of my life I thought that was how all families were. I thought all families just had a mom, and siblings. It wasn’t til I got older that I realized this wasn’t the case. But it didn’t bother me because my mom was the best, she was strong, intelligent, beautiful, and the sun rose and set with her. She was everything I thought a godly woman should be, now that isn’t to say she was perfect but she was pretty darn close.
But there is a lot of pressure growing up with a mother who is so close to perfect. It makes you struggle with feelings of not measuring up, and not being good enough. Of course that’s a pressure I put on myself, my mom has never said that I’m not good enough. But when everyone tells you how wonderful your mother is, how kind, how patience, how caring, how Godly. You start to go from telling people ‘thank you’, to thinking ‘yea, yea I know’ and then the thoughts of I will never be THAT good start to set in. Because I will never be that kind, that patient, that caring, that strong, that Godly.
In my life so far I’ve already reached some of the life goals I’ve had for myself, competing in pageants, traveling around the U.S., starting my first business with a location. I still have more to do and more to achieve, but every once in awhile, I have those feeling of not measuring up and lately that has been my struggle. It’s made me emotional, and do things I normally wouldn’t do. But over the last week, I’ve really been thinking and a couple of days ago, I looked in the mirror and told myself, it was time to suck it up and move on. Because I realized I don’t have to measure up, I just have to be me. A strong, independent, go-getter, but lately I’ve falling short of these things, well it’s time to shake it off. So I’ve made some changes, some that will effect others in my life, but will be better for me and my well being, future, and the future of those who will still be in my life. So I’m tried of worrying about things that just don’t matter in my life, so I’m getting back on track. I’m back to being me, I let the weak little girl inside take over for awhile, but now the tears are gone, and the strong woman is stepping back in because I DO measure up and now it’s time to get back to being me!
I haven’t done too much writing lately due to life getting in the way. Isn’t it funny how that happens. How living gets in the way of living. My hours in the day have gotten less and I still do mainly the same things. But things coming along that I can’t control has made it so that my attention is not focused, its not on what it needs to be. But it’s time for that to change, to learn how to not let life get in the way. It’s a big task but we have to be willing to take it on. So now what am I wasting time on that could be repurposed for something more productive.