I grew up in a single parent home and for the first few years of my life I thought that was how all families were. I thought all families just had a mom, and siblings. It wasn’t til I got older that I realized this wasn’t the case. But it didn’t bother me because my mom was the best, she was strong, intelligent, beautiful, and the sun rose and set with her. She was everything I thought a godly woman should be, now that isn’t to say she was perfect but she was pretty darn close.
But there is a lot of pressure growing up with a mother who is so close to perfect. It makes you struggle with feelings of not measuring up, and not being good enough. Of course that’s a pressure I put on myself, my mom has never said that I’m not good enough. But when everyone tells you how wonderful your mother is, how kind, how patience, how caring, how Godly. You start to go from telling people ‘thank you’, to thinking ‘yea, yea I know’ and then the thoughts of I will never be THAT good start to set in. Because I will never be that kind, that patient, that caring, that strong, that Godly.
In my life so far I’ve already reached some of the life goals I’ve had for myself, competing in pageants, traveling around the U.S., starting my first business with a location. I still have more to do and more to achieve, but every once in awhile, I have those feeling of not measuring up and lately that has been my struggle. It’s made me emotional, and do things I normally wouldn’t do. But over the last week, I’ve really been thinking and a couple of days ago, I looked in the mirror and told myself, it was time to suck it up and move on. Because I realized I don’t have to measure up, I just have to be me. A strong, independent, go-getter, but lately I’ve falling short of these things, well it’s time to shake it off. So I’ve made some changes, some that will effect others in my life, but will be better for me and my well being, future, and the future of those who will still be in my life. So I’m tried of worrying about things that just don’t matter in my life, so I’m getting back on track. I’m back to being me, I let the weak little girl inside take over for awhile, but now the tears are gone, and the strong woman is stepping back in because I DO measure up and now it’s time to get back to being me!