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Sometime around the beginning of this year I was listening to either a preacher or it was in a BIble Study, about being willing to live interrupted. Being able to allow God to work through me by being willing to be interrupted. This pressed on my heart and so it became my prayer. At first the interruption didn’t seem to be that bad they didn’t get in the way of others things I need to get done… but sometimes living interrupted gets in the way of your schedule it makes you late or miss something. It comes at times when you don’t feel in the mood to be interrupted. And you say to God, ‘Not right now, I have things to do I’m not in the mood’. But interruptions don’t come on a schedule. Live happens to people when it happens, the question is ‘Am I willing to obey God even when it isn’t a good time?’ Even when I’m having a bad day and I just want to go home and do nothing or eat cheesecake. Can I be inconvenienced for someone in need?
This weekend God really tested me in this, if there was a person in need, God sent them to me. I didn’t do anything on time that I had planned for this weekend. But I was obedient to the best of my abilities. I lived interrupted. I have been thinking back on the other times this year that I’ve been interrupted and followed God, and the blessing I got from those moment totally outweighed the things that I didn’t get done or missed. It turned around a few bad days and it made me realized how an extraordinary God can use us in an ordinary way.
The picture here is from my goals board. I put it on there around the beginning of 2017, I didn’t get why this spoke to me til now. Because being obedient can be really ordinary. He doesn’t always call us to move around the world. Sometimes he calls us to stop and listen to someone we don’t know, or to comfort someone who is having a hard time. To be willing to help a stranger in a store because they walked up to you, because they could see the glory of God on your life. It’s ordinary, but to that person it may be their saving grace. Even though living interrupted scares me to death, I will continue to pray for it and allow God to work. To know that the things on the list may be important to me, but they may not be God’s plan for my day. I pray I will forever chose the interrupted life and see how God works in the ordinary.
The More I Seek You
The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you
I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”Romans 12:18 NIV
This verse keeps playing in my head, over and over again. I try my best to do this, but is my best good enough. Do I really try to live at peace with everyone?
I have really been questioning this and had three people come to mind. Have I really done all I can. Honestly I’m not sure, honestly I can’t be sure. So I decided to make myself sure. I decided that my ego, feelings, the hurt, everything needed to be put to the side, because I needed to know as far as it depends on me.
This causes you to step out, this causes you to understand and know that you may feel regected again, you may get your feelings hurt, they may not respond like you want them to. But the Bible says ‘as far as it depends on YOU’. And some things have nothing to do with you. Sometime people just don’t because of something with them, and that doesn’t depend on you.
Today was my last day doing my as far as it depends on me. I did what I felt in my heart, I needed to do. To make right the things that were wrong, even the things I didn’t understand why they were wrong. All I can do is reach and try. So for today I can say that I’m living that one verse. That as far as it depends on me!! This I can do today this, I can take with me, this I can know that God is pleased with. I want to wake up tomorrow and know I did what I could today. I don’t know if the ones I reached out to will choose peace with me. But I know I did! I know this one thing, now I can see what tomorrow brings.
There is only one thing certain in life, we will all die. This is the only thing we know for sure. It will happen, no one lives forever. So why does this surprise us? This is the thing that almost takes the breathe away of those still living.
I knew this was happening over a year ago God softly whispered it in my ear and I accepted what I already knew. That we all die, but that his time was coming in the near future. I didn’t feel much, he was never there, and as time went on a reconnection was made, not part of my plan. But as we know God has his own plan. So I began to talk to the Man that should know me better than any other man, to discover he knew nothing, but slowly found out I had some things in common with this stranger. Because this stranger was a part of me, there were things I got from him that I didn’t even know. And even though I can count on my hands how many times I’ve seen him in my life, he is a part of me, like it or not. There was a whole other life he had with children that he cared for and were there for, but that wasn’t my story.
I got past the hurt and the angry many years ago, but the disappointment will probably always be there. Because it would have been nice to have more to remember him by than just some phone calls over the last few months. That’s all I have and that’s all I plan to hold on to. All small as it is, I will hold on to that. To him asking me my favorite color because he didn’t know what else to ask. You see we all die, we will all pass on, but as the living we get to decide what we hold on to. Do we hold on to the pain? Do we hold on to the missed opportunities? Do we hold on to the anger? Or do we hold on to the good stuff, even if it was only some phone calls? I always want to choose the good, I always want to choose what is best for my soul while I’m here on earth. Because we all die, we can’t change it, we can’t stop it, we can’t buy our way out of it. So do what you can to change what you can… your outlook.
I honestly didn’t think I would miss him, but I do. Only a few months of memories, but I miss him. I pray that when he passed on that he had peace with the fact that even though it was later we tried, WE tried. I pray that in his last months I gave him what he needed from me. I pray that he is now in heaven praising God and that one day I will see him again. And I pray for anyone who has lost someone and the relationship wasn’t the best at the time they passed on. I pray you choose the good, I pray you let go of anything else, because that other junk it doesn’t matter anymore. Whatever they did, didn’t do, said, didn’t say, it doesn’t matter, you are still here and you have to go on and you have to choose.
I didn’t get everything I wanted in those last conversations, but I got what I needed something GOOD to hold on to, and really that good enough for me.
I’m posting up a video that I did on my channel a few months ago. I thought about this video this morning because of something someone said to me a while back. Someone told me that they felt I was ‘some type of person’ at the time when they said it, I didn’t say or think much about it, because I refuse to let people define me. But what I didn’t know was that the seed they planted started to grow an insecurity in me. I try my best to be aware of my short comings, so that when things happen I can recognize them. So I went to a few close friends and asked them, do you think I’m … I needed some honest feedback, I needed to know if I was just off about the person I thought I was. They all said no you are not, and gave me examples and reasons of why I wasn’t what that person said I was. That gave me a sigh of relief, these people had known me for 10 plus years, so they knew me. Also they all like to point out things that are wrong about me, but agreed this was not one of them. But I couldn’t shake this feeling and the words, and this morning it was eating at me, to the point to where I had to tell myself. ‘Look, you haven’t let anyone define you in the past, don’t let anyone start now. Remember what God says about you!’
You see our words matter, the little things we say to people, and then move on with our lives can stick with them. So what are you saying to those around you? I ask you, but I also ask myself this. When I speak, to those around me, am I speaking in Love? Are the words that I say uplift or put down? Am I breaking someone with my words?
I wanted to repost this video directly on FB because, I needed to hear it again, back then it was about something different, but the message, it is still the same. The reason I’m purposely not saying what I was labeled as, is because it doesn’t matter because that is not my label, and I will not pick it back up. I did for awhile, I carried it around like a pet and let it roll around in my brain to the point where I started to believe it, even after my friends told me it wasn’t true. What is rolling around in your brain that shouldn’t be? Put that label down and walk away. Remember what God says about you. ‘You are fearfully and wonderfully made.’ Now that’s a label we should proudly wear.
It is Day 5, I have to admit that I didn’t not get up when I should have, but I did get up! So score for me. Hope you decided on what you are going to do to improve yourself this month. If not think on it, commit and do!!
Day 4 – 4 days in and I’m staring to figure out what works best for me to do in the morning. So this quest to self improvement is so that I can use this time to be productive. But since I’m not at my best in the morning deciding what to put in that time is the key. I’ve learned that reading is not an option, I can’t concentrate well enough to read and comprehend.
But I’ve discovered that if I already have the subject. I can write a blog post in the mornings with no problem. But If I have to think about what I’m going to write…. Well that’s when I decide that sleep would be better.
So tomorrow I will be going live and my goal is to get moving. To see if early morning exercising will work well for me and by exercising I mean walking. Because I don’t do exercising well, but I can walk and walking is moving, and moving is a good thing. 😊. I am determined to figure out the best use of this early morning time (10 1/2 hours a week) This is doable, now it’s time to do.
Day 3 – Its Day 3 on Saturday, I’m up but dragging. I still can’t handle turning on all the lights. 😕 Doing that makes me a bit moody so I will stick to opening the blinds. I did realize that I forget to set out my clothes last night which is one of the things that I’m suppose to do. I did get out of bed with 15 minutes of waking up, so I did much better than I did yesterday.
One thing that I really think would help me on this journey would be a bedside Keurig. Now stay with me all of my non coffee drinkers. There is something about getting coffee in me that turns me into a different person. Those of you who drink coffee I know you understand. So if I could get to the coffee quicker, I could move quicker. 🤗 This is something I think I will consider, since they do have the smaller ones. 😊
So now it’s day 3 and about 7:30, and I’m almost done with what I planned to do this morning before 8 am which today was just to write this blog. Since it’s Saturday that was the only thing I scheduled for my early morning task. If you are joining me on this journey let me know how you are doing. I’ve heard for some of you and I really appreciate the encouraging words. I’m not sure if I will ever like getting up in the morning, but I’m feeling good about the fact that I can still get a few things done, during that time I usually waste.
Have a great Saturday!!
Day 2 – so today didn’t go as well as day one. So I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t get back to sleep finally did and woke up at 7:15 and then I had to get moving for an early morning appointment. So today did not go as well as I would have like so it’s now 10 pm and I’m finally writing my blog post.
So I’m a little disappointed in myself, but I will try again tomorrow, but since it is Saturday, I will shoot for 7am instead. 😉 When trying something new you will have moments where you will fail. Failure is a part of life, but you have to pick yourself up and try again. Because tomorrow is a new day!!